am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
