3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I could teleport
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
