i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
