you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
