i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize