i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
