oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Less talking, more tequila
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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