mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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