I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
