He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
