I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
