So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
