I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
