sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
