so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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