If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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