I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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