I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
