At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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