I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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