Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
