I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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