that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
