I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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