when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
