maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
