Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
