I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
