Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
