Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
