I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
