Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
