Need sex. Gaining weight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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