He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
