I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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