She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
