Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't tell me you're on acid again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
