Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
