At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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