Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
