When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
