...so i touched it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
