yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
