my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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