She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
