Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
