I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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