The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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