imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
