There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you. Go after that dick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
