I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize