We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
