i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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