My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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