I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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