Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
