It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize