Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
