Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
