she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize