you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
