she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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