My room smells like vodka and shame
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
