I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
