im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
