she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
